Day 8

I feel so different this morning as I slip on my jeans that move over my hips and zip with ease. It's only been 8 days and I feel like a new person. I've always criticized fat people walking around and acting like they are skinny. As if they were lying to themselves about reality. When actually, I was lying to myself. Giving myself an excuse to even try to lose weight. I can't even try to be skinny, I'm always going to be fat. My self image has been so screwed up for so long I don't know up from down.
One thing I'm absolutely sure about is my goal. I guess blogging my life has been an encouragement toward my goal. I keep reassuring myself that since I've gotten so dangerous to start a blog about losing weight, I guess I'm really going to have to follow through. Am I going to commit to something publicly and fail or not complete it? My goal is to keep it up as long as I can. In case that seems unclear I'll structure it so you know exactly what I'm claiming I'll do here. I'm going to keep losing weight and being healthy as long as I can make a conscious decision to do so. So when I'm in a nursing home sitting in my poo pants, I probably won't be losing weight as part of this commitment. I really feel like this is a new lifestyle for my family.
Something that is really bothering me today is how skinny matt is since he started this cleanse. He was 194 when we started, and now he's 183. He said his goal overall for weight is 175. But honestly, I'm trying to set him up to fail at that goal. Two reasons, first and foremost he looks fantastic right now. He's hot. Reason two- "fat lady- skinny guy feeder syndrome" it's so hillbilly to have a super skinny husband and being a big fat wife. It looks like the hubs is feeding his bride so that she is too fat to have self esteem to ever leave him. And yes feeders are real... Google that! I've got to get him when he's not suspecting. I feel like men shouldn't be able to lose weight so easily and fast. Although I am feeling thinner and great I have to be bitter about something, it's part of my genetic make-up.

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