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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Day 8

I feel so different this morning as I slip on my jeans that move over my hips and zip with ease. It's only been 8 days and I feel like a new person. I've always criticized fat people walking around and acting like they are skinny. As if they were lying to themselves about reality. When actually, I was lying to myself. Giving myself an excuse to even try to lose weight. I can't even try to be skinny, I'm always going to be fat. My self image has been so screwed up for so long I don't know up from down.
One thing I'm absolutely sure about is my goal. I guess blogging my life has been an encouragement toward my goal. I keep reassuring myself that since I've gotten so dangerous to start a blog about losing weight, I guess I'm really going to have to follow through. Am I going to commit to something publicly and fail or not complete it? My goal is to keep it up as long as I can. In case that seems unclear I'll structure it so you know exactly what I'm claiming I'll do here. I'm going to keep losing weight and being healthy as long as I can make a conscious decision to do so. So when I'm in a nursing home sitting in my poo pants, I probably won't be losing weight as part of this commitment. I really feel like this is a new lifestyle for my family.
Something that is really bothering me today is how skinny matt is since he started this cleanse. He was 194 when we started, and now he's 183. He said his goal overall for weight is 175. But honestly, I'm trying to set him up to fail at that goal. Two reasons, first and foremost he looks fantastic right now. He's hot. Reason two- "fat lady- skinny guy feeder syndrome" it's so hillbilly to have a super skinny husband and being a big fat wife. It looks like the hubs is feeding his bride so that she is too fat to have self esteem to ever leave him. And yes feeders are real... Google that! I've got to get him when he's not suspecting. I feel like men shouldn't be able to lose weight so easily and fast. Although I am feeling thinner and great I have to be bitter about something, it's part of my genetic make-up.

https://www.advocare.com/11094488

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Day 6

I continue to feel great. This morning I woke up, jumped on the scale and see I've lost 6 lbs. So far, not so bad. My original weight was as much as when I was 10 months pregnant with matisyn. Pretty embarrassed at the lack of self control that has gotten me to this size.
I think about all the reasons why inside myself that I have sabotaged myself the last 18 months and I have dozens of excuses, but what good are they to me? Honestly, breastfeeding is not a good excuse- cause that helps you lose weight. I haven't been exercising cause I'm always tired.
I've let myself not know the feeling of self control for so long, it's like a foreign concept to learn on this diet. Infect I'm so happy to be in control, its like a welcomed change that I'm more than ready to change.
Going to mcdonalds for a "coffee", which i would do daily, was ridiculous. There is absolutely no need to eat out anymore. What was once enjoyable, no longer thrills me. I'm totally all about fitting into jeans from last year. Heck, 6 years ago, pre chase pregnancy would be nice let alone college clothes (which I let go of a long time ago, so don't think I'm going to be reviving shit from England because I'm a mom now).
I simply love the fact that sugar is out of my life. I'm not feeling sick after I eat something. I'm not tired anymore, I'm living. And that alone is huge to me. I'm really happy I made these diet changes and I'm taking these vitamins. I want to be happy and healthy! And I am!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Day 5

Half way through this cleanse. And if I can do this, anyone can do this. It's very simplistic and fun to just rely on the fact that the food we are eating is plain and simple. I told my kids that they can look forward to cupcakes at the end of the week if they don't complain about the food I'm making at home now. They seemed to stop bawking at the meals I've created like taco stir fried rice last night which everyone hated to all the mealy couscous I've been cramming down their throats all week. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, however I'm kinda liking the tunnel just fine.
I bought Mati a rice crispy treat at ninos today that I wasnt even remotely tempted to try. I'm so proud because I would normally eat 3/4 of the thing and give her scraps and instead I saved 1/2 of it for drews after school snack. And he loved it. So that was awesome feeling in control of the food and now having it have power over me by calling my name or making me think about it. That has never been the story of my life. I usually am tempted and give in whenever I'm facing chocolate or sweets. Now I have found the ability to turn the cheek.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Day 4

The other day I sent matt to get some flat out bread. And like a typical male in my family, not only does he return with the flat out I requested, but two packages. Also, a bunch of other stuff I didn't necessarily ask for, like ground chicken. I looks like ground beef, but it's chicken. So he tells me that we can use it for taco meat on Sunday. He said we could cover up the taste of the meat with taco seasoning and we will never taste the difference.
Sundays at dinner time(5pm) is Chases' karate class... So I'm stuck making these "tacos" that Matt thought up, by myself. So I put the chicken in the pan just like you would with ground beef. Not realizing that this chicken has no fat in the mix so it sticks to the pan in the consistency of pâte. I add oil, cumin, onion powder, and garlic hoping for it to taste like taco meat. Well it doesn't, and unlike ground beef you have to wait until it's cooked to taste it. So it tastes like Chicken and taco seasoning. Not taco meat like I had envisioned. So I decide we could throw this into some brown rice with veggies and a couple fried eggs and bada boom, bada bing- dinners really gross, but done. That should teach him to participate with the menu.
Needless to say, he ate his food and didn't say a word. But really chicken tacos with no sour cream or cheese cause you can't have dairy on this cleanse... Its going to be gross either way. I feel like I rescued that pile of ground, cooked chicken. Tomorrow night, I'll stick to hummus, it's what I know.
If I over complicate this cleanse, I'll stress out and quit so let's keep the shit simple.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

A little lighter

This morning I woke up feeling so much lighter. I feel like crap with a massive sinus headache. They must be cleansing themselves and emptying into my stomach to give me a terrible sick stomach. Nevertheless, I do feel lighter and like I'm gliding around gingerly. I do not miss coffee. The first two days I drank my spark energy drink in a mug in the morning and it was in a plain glass today... There's nothing like hot coffee, no matter what you do to a cold fruit punch drink.
Drew and I decided to go out shopping for a while in the afternoon. We went to target and Costco. Usually both places are bad for my butt circumference cause of the junk food the sell there, but I seriously didn't even feel tempted. Costco had samples of everything, and I let drew try everything he saw and wanted. I, however, did not put one thing in my mouth. I felt empowered and light in my step. I got on the scale when I got home and I had lost 4 lbs in two days, upon announcing my victory, matt also says he's lost 4 lbs. For two days of commitment, I'd say those are good results. And there is no fight to get into the toilet or stinging ring. So all is well. I'm going to miss my fiber drink in the morning. I think i may be considering eliminating breakfast in the morning and sticking with the fiber drink once this cleanse is over.
Dinner must be mentioned cause we loved it so much. Curried couscous with hummus and flat out bread. That bread is awesome! Picture of couscous below.

Stupid people names

I would be lying if I said that I wasnt dreaming about extremely bad food for me like pizza, buttered potato, ribeye, translucent French fries, chips, coffee with cream, actually anything with cream. So I'm searching for direction to distract myself, drew turns on bullriding. So I immediately turn on the blogspot to work this craving out cause bulls remind me of a juicy steak. This guy comes on the screen, his name is Kenny Westrope. Not only does this idiot ride bulls, he has the stupidest name ever. I bet the family history to that name goes like this: his great great great grand"daddy" moved to the west with a bunch of stolen shit. Someone puts out an apv and ppl start suspecting this guy is the guy that is wanted. So someone approached him and said "hey, I know you are in the wanteds, and there's a reward." I'm taking you in. And kenny's relative says, I'm not wanted that's not my last name. And he looks around the room and comes up with west and then realizes how dumb it sounds and stumbles out the word rope and then repeats "westrope".
I'm not really hungry, I'm bored. And hot cheesy pizza would be great right now or a cheeseburger. Instead I'm pontificating Kenny, the bullrider, Westropes last name.
Time for an apple and spark. Maybe a hardboiled egg too.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Day 2

Cleansing might have a double meaning, not only are my intestines begin fluffed and buffed by all the fiber and water... I sort of feel like an emotional barrier has been broken today as well. Its not my time of the month, thank you very much. But I'm as emotionally raw as if it were. I once heard that all of your emotions are stored in your stomach, and it must be true. Maybe all this fiber has not only uncovered a kernel or two stuck in the folds of my innards, but maybe-just maybe i was emotionally constipated? Otherwise why would I start crying after chase telling me about his friend at school. He said his little friend Cat's daddy is in heaven and so is her mommy. Chase tells me he would carry a picture of me and his dad with a heart drawn on it to dinner and everywhere else if that happened to him. Broke my heart and made tears unleash on my cheeks.
Day three better not be uncontrollable bowels or anal leakage. So far no problems to report in that department.

Fish burps

So the cleanse works out like this... For the first four days you drink a fiber drink and cleansing tablets, and omega3 pills along with the spark energy drink. Then you stop with the fiber drink and you start the probiotic pills and eventually bring back the fiber drink, like day 7 or something. Since I'm on day 2, I really haven't planned that far ahead to even care. I'm literally taking things one day at a time. If I plan too much, I think I will dread it and end up quitting before I really give things an honest attempt.
Last night I was extremely per-cautious about what I was eating because I was worried about fish burps. Omega 3, fish oil pills are notorious for the fish burps and I didn't want to eat anything that would make me extra burpy. We had brown rice (boil in the bag type was really good) grilled chicken breast that was marinated in oil and seasonings and two cups of steamed veggies. Pop makes me burp, steamed veggies hardly ever make me burp but for whatever reason they did... And they weren't of the fish variety. Infact, they weren't that bad at all. I liked my burp it wasnt the hotdog or bologna smelling variety, they were more like air. Guess I can't threaten my kids with a burp in the face when they don't listen to me anymore... Jk ;)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Day 1

The first day of the cleanse I laid in bed snuggled up with my 3 yr old a little longer than normal. It's too cold to get up, and my sinuses are kicking.
Matt prepared his fiber drink, and wanted to talk about the consistency of the powder floating on the top of his glass, I told him six times that he needed to chug it after mixing but he doesn't listen. He just talks and talks, and his drink solidifies. "Told you so" wants to come out of my mouth from my cozy bed, but I guess this is one of those, "choosing your battles" moments. He gags it down, and says it actually tasted good. I'm not sold, I'll wait a few more minutes to admit the day has started before getting out of bed.
When I finally get out from all the covers, I wander to the livingroom that smells of burnt hair. Am I having a stroke? My anxiety puts me in a panic, "matt what's that smell?" he tells me it's the furnace smelling bad. I am reassured that I'm not the only person smelling burnt hair.
I make my way into the kitchen, and start the kids with cereal for breakfast, all three at the table dribbling the milk and cereal all over their Pjs and table. This is why I dont dress them til after they eat. I get my glass out of the cupboard and I fill it with water to get the fiber drink going. I stir the packet in quickly and notice matt was right, it looks grosser than it tastes. Yay, I did it! Now let's measure and figure out where we need improving.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

24day challenge starting tomorrow

I decided, enough is enough... Plugged my credit card information into the laptop about a week ago. Ever since, it's been one big binge eating fest.
I guess I should back up and give you a little background. My name is holly, I'm 30 yrs old and I am a mother of 3 really awesome kids; chase 5, drew 3, and Mati is 1.5. My husband is matt, he's 33 and works out of our basement office he built a year ago. We spend a lot of time together as a family and love to eat food like Italian and Chinese or American. We love cooking, and eating, and going out for dinner.
Since I've had my babies, I have gained 50 lbs. I'm a bigger girl with big boobs and a sturdy frame. I haven't ever been skinny although I desperately claim I was pre- pregnancy skinny at one point in my life. I claim that to every person I meet as if they would like me better if I had been skinnier at some point in my life. But the truth is...  I'm fat. Im not just big boned, im fatty mcfatterstein. I eat fast food daily, and rarely exercize. Im totally fat.I have a muffin top, and I don't want to be this way anymore.
My husband isn't really fat, he's in good shape. he's probably committing to the challenge just to appease me and help me get to losing weight. He's 185, 5'9" and very athletic. He loves me, even though I haven't figured out why. He encouraged me to sign up, to do the 24 day challenge. So we are doing it. 24 day challenge through advocare.